dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
false alarm. still invincible.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
