and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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