I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize