I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
