how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize