I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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