The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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