i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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