When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i love accidental penises.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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