All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
