In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
