just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
