All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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