k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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