Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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