He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
