Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
