i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
