3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
