When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize