Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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