New invention idea: vibrating tampons
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize