Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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