Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize