I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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