It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
