this beer tastes like vomit already
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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