Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
