If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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