YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize