we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
