me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
