he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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