Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
