Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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