I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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