My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
