Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
