I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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