i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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