Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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