Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
