i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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