dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
