I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
