I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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