I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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