i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
