....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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