it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
