census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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