those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He better not be in your backpack
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize