A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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