are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
