Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
