she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
