mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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