I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
