i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
