2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
