looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Randomize
