In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
