I just made out with a guy for $7.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
