she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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