i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
