at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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