You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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