so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize