There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
